by CrocELLA and Lyle, Lyle the Crocodile | April 1, 2023
On the eve of yet another alteration to the Saint Francis Dress Code, students noticed a particularly surprising addition—Crocs. According to an amendment instituted by the Board of Directors after months of deliberation, Saint Francis students must adorn their feet with their most classy pair of Crocs starting in the 2023-2024 school year.
On traditional school days, students can wear Crocs of any variety as long as there is no offensive or explicit imagery. It is to be noted that charms on Crocs will be regulated—currently, the only acceptable one is the Saint Francis-issued cross and anchor. Consider this Spirit Week for your Crocs!
On liturgy days, however, Saint Francis has worked with Crocs in a special collaboration to release the very first edition of formal Crocs. A historic achievement, indeed! The Saint Francis Croc is a beautiful piece of craftsmanship, made of silky smooth fake leather in the shade of dark cocoa, and even features a pair of laces on the top, reminiscent of the formal shoes many students wore before this life-changing switch. However, these laces do not actually help tighten the shoe, though they undoubtedly spice it up.
Rumor has it that Saint Francis is working on a second collaboration with Crocs to manufacture Croc heels. Out of the 50,000 Bay Area residents surveyed, 100% of them will buy this new shoe when it is released.
Lancers are overjoyed about this new announcement. Anita Bath (’26) said that she has never been more excited about going to school: “My feet hurt as I have blisters, and this new change is very accommodating.” Deryl B. Payne (’24) adds that this new change is “sensational and will be the best start to a senior year that we could ever ask for.” Graduating senior Basquet Case (’23) shares his unique opinions: “I am heartbroken that I won’t be around for this change. However, I am so inspired by the idea that I wish to propose it in the fall at the college I am attending, Party Animal University, where I am triple majoring in Funny Business, Becoming A Beast, and Hooliganology.
Some, however, don’t share the sentiment. English teacher Al E. Gator (’75) expresses his discontent with this new change: “I’ve never heard of Crocs. What even are those? I prefer to purchase my shoes from the esteemed Gator and Co. All their products are incredibly classy and fantastic.” A trusted source called in with a tip about Mr. Gator’s future shoe-related endeavors. Apparently, Mr. Gator is so impassioned about his cause with Gator and Co. that he is vocally denouncing the affiliation with Crocs to higher-ups, instead promoting Gator and Co. as the official Saint Francis shoe.
Regardless, Saint Francis students reiterate that they are nothing but pleased with this change. Dripped InKrizz (’25) comments, “I ain’t never seen two pretty pairs of shoes. One of them’s always gotta be ugly—the ugly one being Gator and Co., obviously.” Reliable sources informed us that InKrizz received an F on his last English essay.
