Ever since the 1000s building was built, parents and freshmen alike have been asking: “Whatever happened to the 700s building?” This question has persisted throughout the years, leaving students and teachers feeling mildly annoyed every time they have to explain that there’s no such thing. It just so happens that today, the query has a different answer…
Firstly: yes, the 700s building does indeed exist! Saint Francis’s leadership gave student journalists special permission to explore the 700s in order to get the students’ perspective. For access to the building, one would expect to have received more information, such as its location, how it looks, and more—but we journalists went in knowing very little. All the school told us was to “find the elevator.” And so we did.
We searched the 600s building and found an elevator. Unfortunately, it only had access to two floors, otherwise known as the two existing floors of the 600s building. We had the same deal with the 200s, and before we knew it, we were in the Eggers Innovation Center messing around with the brand new elevator and its shiny buttons. After my fellow reporter Pandora Chen (’24) clicked one button too many, the elevator started going down… from the first floor. And it kept going down for a good while. Suddenly, the elevator came to a halt, and the PA started: “Welcome to the 700s building, students! Feel free to explore the lobby while you wait for your teacher!” It then dawned on us—the elusive 700s building everyone was asking for was underground this whole time!
Our group of student journalists waited patiently in the lobby for a few minutes. Then those minutes turned into hours. Then, said hours turned into days. It was then that Pandora had enough, and kicked the doors leading out of the lobby wide open. We ran out in a frenzy, opening more and more doors. The rooms started out as one would expect: offices, classrooms, and study rooms. But as we went deeper into the facility, the rooms started to warp: paint melting, doors fluctuating in size, and furniture clipping through the floor like a video game. Throughout our journey, we lost many to the labyrinth of the 700s; so much so that by the end of our journey, it was just Pandora and me.
We explored the 700s building for what seemed like a lifetime. For a while, the isolation was tolerable: writing on the walls, eating the distorted fries, talking to Pandora, spending my time with her… But as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. Like we had become accustomed to, Pandy and I were exploring a new room. Suddenly however, she fell through the floor and was never to be seen again. I was now alone in the maze.
After a while on my own, I finally figured out what the 700s was: it was a real building at some point, but after contact with an alternate dimension somewhere down our initial elevator trip, the facility (which was a new cleaning facility, believe it or not) warped into the tangle it is today.
As I was writing this, I found a small chute beaming bright with light. I then deduced the chute to be a pipe somehow leading aboveground (I could tell by the fries and forks falling out of it). Interestingly, at random times the fries and forks were sucked up and away. So, in a last ditch effort at communication, I am going to send this letter up the pipe in its airflow. To whoever’s reading this: please keep this paper safe. Show it to the newspaper team. Share the truth of what is happening in the 700s building. Thank you.
