The Laughter Online

“Chech Plus” program to be implemented at Saint Francis

by chechluvrs<3 | April 1, 2023

Art by Anika Bastin (’23)

Mr. Michael Chechelnitsky was recently identified as the school’s leader in innovation this year—a well-deserved title given his tireless dedication to pushing the boundaries of math in his classes. Indeed, after learning LaPlace transformations in one of his math classes, some students were motivated to start a quest centered around the question, “Où est La Place en fait?” (Where actually is The Place?).

The school’s administrators have created a schoolwide plan to reflect their beliefs that every department needs “A little more Chech.” Dubbed “Chech Plus” after the near-unattainable grading mark of “Check Plus,” the new program has already started to create waves of change.

The English Department has added books from Mr. Chech’s personal favorites to every grade’s curriculum. All juniors will now be reading Joseph Heller’s landmark novel Chech-22, a satirical war novel depicting the experiences of Captain Yossarian in World War II. Seniors will be thrilled at the addition of One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest, which details a struggle for power between patient Randle McMurphy and the evil Nurse Ratched. 

Per new suggestions from the administration, Hospitality has decided to tear down the Urban Bloc and replace it with a “Chech-enyakki” station in the Quad where students can get Teppanyaki every day. According to trusted sources, Hospitality has plans to phase out all other food stations until Chech-enyakki is the sole option. 

Students in the Social Studies Department will also be thrilled by the changes in their curricula. Government teachers began teaching cheches and balances, the method through which different branches of the government regulate each others’ powers. World history students will study the history of Chechia, or the Chech Republic, a country bordered by Austria and Germany, during the unit about global conflict.

Visual and Performing Arts classes have also worked to keep up with the changes. Chamber Choir has added a specific Chech-related concert, comprising some of Mr. Chech’s favorite hit songs such as choral reimaginings of “My Heart Will Differentiate On” and “Boy with Limits.” Dubbed the Chech-stravaganza, it will surely delight audiences for years to come.

These dramatic changes align with Saint Francis’ goal to push students to be more thoughtfully engaged citizens. With the new additions across departments, it seeks to emphasize one set of guiding principles to aid in students’ development—the teachings of Chech.

Have a Chechful day!

This is the April Fool’s edition of the paper. We regret to inform you that all the content contained therein is fictional.

Categories: The Laughter Online

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