by Charlotte D’Anelio and Dixon D’Anelio, TikTok veterans | March 30, 2021
A new social media sensation emerges from the shadows. Saint Francis’s very own @sfhs_activities went viral last week when one of their hilarious Instagram reels amassed over 10 trillion views, launching the account into stardom. The video featured many Saint Francis teachers such as Mr. Herhold, Ms. Savinovich, and Mme. Safier, comedically reacting to the relatable experience of “realizing you forgot to take attendance.” With their newfound claim to fame, it was no surprise that TikTok’s Hype House quickly reached out with an invite. For all the boomers out there, the Hype House is one of TikTok’s most popular content-creating teams with some of the biggest names in TikTok on the roster, including such notable household names as Chase Hudson (@lilhuddy), Addison Rae (@addisonrae), Avani Gregg (@avani), the Lopez Brothers (@tonylopez and @ondreazlopez), and many more.
Ever since rumors swirled about the Hype House invitation, @sfhs_activities has grown a massive online presence. Should @sfhs_activities choose to accept the invitation, they will have to first undergo a two-week trial run at Hype House HQ in LA, where they will have to complete rigorous challenges such as the Renegade and the Say So, in order to prove that they are “influencer material.”
The future of @sfhs_activities in the Hype House already looks promising; earlier today, Hype House leader Thomas Petrou (@petroutv) stated, “The success of @sfhs_activities is unprecedented. Their raw talent, effortless humor, and unparalleled cinematography proves they have what it takes to be Internet famous.”
Herhold confirmed that if accepted, he plans to permanently relocate to the Hype House in LA to continue making content for trillions of fans; he acknowledged that he would still have to maintain his other duties at SFHS, but managing the @sfhs_activities account would remain his number one priority. He spoke about how shifting to the more exhausting schedule of a TikToker would be a massive shift from his current life as a full-time educator and moderator—one that would require a large amount of willpower and grit.
In unconfirmed reports, @sfhs_athletics and @sfhs_academics, jealous of @sfhs_activities’s completely “undeserved” and “disgraceful” massive success, are in the planning stages to found a new, rival content house with other SFHS accounts in LA as well. If plans follow through, SFHS may be forced to relocate to Southern California to keep up with the account managers’ demanding schedules, which may include brand deals, daily posts on multiple social media platforms, and networking on the TikTok scene. @sfhs_athletics and @sfhs_academics did not respond when asked to comment.
On behalf of @sfhs_activities, Herhold is currently negotiating a salary from TikTok’s creator fund, through which anyone eighteen and over can monetize their content. According to exclusive reports, negotiations are starting at almost one cent per thousand views and may end at one million dollars per thousand views. Yesterday, in a public statement to the entire world, @sfhs_activities stated that all proceeds from its TikToks will go towards a statue of a Lancer crushing a Bell in front of the 100 building, with construction beginning as soon as funds are procured—a noble cause, indeed.
Herhold’s inspiring journey to the Hype House through @sfhs_activities serves as a testament to the power of hard work. He emphasized that all people, young or old like him, should “shoot for the stars;” if they dedicate their blood, sweat, and tears to the effort, they, too, can one day be TikTok-famous.
This article is part of an April Fool’s edition of the paper. We regret to inform you that the content contained therein is fictional.
Categories: The Laughter Online