by Pun-dit LaBlague | March 30, 2021

Do your excuses for late work ever feel staler than a piece of catcher-in-the-rye bread? Are they as old and pruny as a raisin in the sun? Do you feel wald-en by your teacher’s scrutiny and think a little civil disobedience could do you some good? If things fall apart in your English grades when you yammer out a half-baked excuse, consider some novel humor!

Q: Why is your essay late?

A: A beowulf ate it.

Q: Why didn’t you turn it in earlier?

A: I was waiting for godot, but he had a colon problem. It was a difficult period of time for him.

Q: Is there anything else in your life that’s taking priority?

A: We’re going into the college application season, and those essays gats-be wildin’!

I guarantee you that after these suggestions, your English grades will undergo a dramatic metamorphosis: a few well-placed quips, and low grades wouldn’t dare to bug you. With puns inspired by books like the Grapes of Wrath at your stein-beck and call, you’ll never wine again!

Disclaimer: Pun-dit bears no liablility if English teachers do not odys-se-us or our grades any differently after hearing these puns.

This article is part of an April Fool’s edition of the paper. We regret to inform you that the content contained therein is fictional.