The Laughter Online

Teacher feuds revealed

by Dora T. Explorer | April 29, 2020

Teacher grudge matches are commonly fought out on the second floor of the Ed Center

Within the Lancer Community, a number of competitive rivalries have formed between teachers. Quite frankly, these are just rumors; the teachers at Saint Francis do get along quite well. However, let’s just say that sometimes one teacher’s point of view is drastically different from the reality of a situation. Some rivalries are warranted and quite shocking! The Lancer interviewed several staff members who “spilled the tea” on some of the latest and most controversial gossip at Saint Francis High. Let’s just say, some of the comments we received were shocking, to say the least.

Carroll: I think Mr. Silvas is a great teacher and a wonderful co-worker!

Silvas: Boomers should not be teaching English classes. Personally, if I were a student, I would appreciate someone closer in age that can actually relate to the struggles of students in terms of course load and difficulty. Besides, I wouldn’t want to read books from the 1800s. Only Mr. Carroll can relate to those times.

Vollucci: I’m friends with all the language teachers. I guess it’s because I also teach a language. We all get along really well.

Shuai: Ms. Vollucci thinks she’s one of us, but Chinese is SOOO much tougher to learn than Python. Like, isn’t that a type of snake? I guess you have to be a snake to know its language. I said what I said.

Ciampa: I think Ms. Sherrard is a great teacher, but no one would willingly buy a blue Subaru right? I mean, blue Jeeps are better than blue Subarus. Come on, it looks like a soccer mom van.

Sherrard: Jeeps, they’re so basic! Besides I know why she has one, because that’s the only way she can see me face to face. Hey Ciampa, if you’re sitting in your Jeep’s six-foot-tall booster seat, don’t come for my Subaru.

Haley-Hill: Mr. Fischer is one of my best friends among the faculty. He’s part of the Dungeons and Dragons campaign I DM! D&D is basically math and improv. I cover the improv, and he covers the math! He does put all sorts of random trash in his Bag of Holding though.

Fischer: I have no clue what he’s talking about. Mr. Haley-Hill is my sworn enemy. He was running a game of D&D, and he destroyed my Bag of Holding with everything inside. Also, he thinks he’s an acting wizard when he’s DMing. I’m just here to learn the rules, do all my calculations in my head, and break the game. And maybe take an ingame War Hammer to the solar plexus of whoever destroyed my Bag of Holding.

Pompei: I think Mr. Ikezi is a fun person to be around, but he is such an eccentric teacher. I mean, physics isn’t just fun and games. Hey Mr. Ikezi, maybe it would benefit you to shadow one of Mr. Fisher’s AP Physics classes.

Ikezi: Dang, Mr. Pompei needs to chill out. The man might be good at running but it always seems as though he can’t run away from his problems. Besides, at least cross country isn’t my only personality trait.

Pompei: I worry about Mr. Ikezi sometimes. Maybe he should just stick to designing bridges in the Engineering club. That should be simple enough for him.

This article is part of an April Fool’s edition of the paper. We regret to inform you that the content contained therein is fictional.

Categories: The Laughter Online

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