March 23 started out as a normal day at Saint Francis. The sun was shining and flowers were blooming. Some students were studying and conversing with each other, and others were busy eating their morning breakfasts in the Dining Commons. Suddenly, the gentle peace was disrupted by thundering quakes and an array of ear-shattering croaks. The sound led to confusion and calamity across campus. Few stayed to pay attention, as most were off campus by the time it revealed itself: towering over the pine trees was a giant gray monster with two menacing red eyes—Gomi.
Ever since the first meal in the new Dining Commons, clueless freshmen have been misplacing dishes. Multiple reports of plates in the trash, forks in the recycling, and napkins in the wash have circulated. With this, piles of dishes and huge messes were left for the hospitality staff to clean up. Unfortunately, this mess wasn’t contained within the building; it spread all over campus. The Sobrato Learning Commons, the Cassins Library, the Graham Theater, and several other locations had unkempt messes everywhere. Unbeknownst to anyone, the pollution would be the downfall of us all.
On January 10, the awakening started. As soon as the screens lit up with the Moreau Board bringing awareness to this issue, all of the plates and utensils slowly gained sentience. After learning about their current predicament, they became enraged. Their purpose was to save the environment and promote reusability. Instead, people ignored them and dumped them into the deepest pit known to man—the trash can. With this newfound hatred for their captors, the trash began to consolidate. With each plate and knife, the beast grew stronger and stronger. Early reports listed a creature the size of a backpack; later, after only a week, it became a creature the size of Shaquille O’Neal. The beast didn’t care what it was made of—gum wrappers, lost lanyards, or even rotten food—all that mattered to it was that it could take revenge on the freshman who had cursed it with sentience.
Four weeks in, several reports claimed that students had been chased by a monster the size of a minivan, dead set on giving them the same fate: life in a trash can. Confusingly, reports ceased for six weeks after this incident, with the monster making his grand debut around a week ago. Nicknamed “Gomi” by avid kaiju fans, the monstrosity stands over fifty meters tall, towering over the Saint Francis skyline. This monster’s horrifying abilities include turning into a sludge of sentient plates and a terrible croak that sounds like metallic scratching. Gomi used its first ability to appear almost spontaneously and startle students. Then, as described before, it stood tall over the pine trees in the quad and let out a terrible roar. As crowds ran, faculty was concerned about what the kaiju would do after this menacing display. Would a death beam erupt from its mouth? Its back? All of the above? Would the creature just spontaneously explode?
As fear and paranoia erupted, something caught Gomi’s eye. According to reports, it was one of the very same freshmen it had chased earlier for putting three dishes full of food in the trash. The creature saw the freshman with finished plates, putting the dishes in the wash. After seeing how humans can change, scientific experts report that the rage that gave the dishes life ceased to exist, and the monster was reduced to lifeless rubble. Having learnt their lesson, everyone pitched in to reduce the mess, students and faculty alike.
This incident serves to remind us all that to solve issues, we don’t need a giant hero kaiju, nor a gigantic Evangelion mech: what we need is to take accountability for our actions, and after said accountability, to make a change.
